When you think about bullying, you probably picture school corridors, not university lecture halls. I did too — until I experienced it first-hand during my second year at uni.
University is supposed to be a fresh start. A place where everyone’s a bit older, a bit more mature. But the truth is, bullying doesn’t always stop just because we turn 18. It just gets more complicated.
If you’re going through something similar — or you’re worried about a friend who is — I wanted to share what I learned, and what I wish I’d known sooner.
What Bullying at Uni Can Look Like
At uni, bullying isn’t always as obvious as it is at school. There’s rarely name-calling in corridors (although that can still happen). Instead, it’s often quieter, more under the radar — but just as damaging.
In my case, it started with a group of people on my course making snide comments in group chats. Then came the ‘accidental’ forgetting to tell me about meetings, the rolled eyes whenever I spoke in seminars, the passive-aggressive jokes. I brushed it off for months, telling myself it was just “banter” and I was being oversensitive.
But bullying at uni can be things like:
- Excluding someone from group projects, social events, or housemate activities.
- Spreading rumours around campus.
- Online harassment – petty comments on posts, anonymous messages, being ganged up on in group chats.
- Undermining or belittling you in lectures, seminars, or even in shared houses.
- Pressure to behave in ways you’re uncomfortable with, just to be accepted.
And because everyone’s supposed to be “grown up” now, it’s even easier to gaslight yourself into thinking you’re imagining it.
Why It Hurts So Much
University is a huge transition. You’re often far from home, away from your usual support system, trying to figure out who you are. When the people around you make you feel unwanted, it cuts deep.
I noticed myself pulling away from things I used to love. I skipped seminars because I didn’t want to face my group. I stopped going to societies I’d joined in first year. I barely spoke to my housemates. The loneliness felt overwhelming — and weirdly shameful, like somehow it was my fault.
What Helped Me (And Might Help You Too)
It took me longer than I care to admit to realise that what was happening wasn’t normal, and that I didn’t have to just “toughen up”. Here’s what helped when I finally did something about it:
- Talk to someone you trust.
The first time I opened up — to a tutor, weirdly, not even a friend — it was like a huge weight lifted. You don’t have to deal with it alone. Whether it’s a friend, family member, a lecturer you get on with, or someone from your university’s wellbeing team, telling someone makes it real. And it stops you from blaming yourself. - Know that your feelings are valid.
It doesn’t have to be physical aggression to ‘count’ as bullying. If someone’s consistently making you feel isolated, anxious, or miserable, that’s enough. Don’t minimise it just because it doesn’t fit some dramatic movie scene. - Find out what support your uni offers.
Most universities have formal ways to report bullying or harassment. Mine had an anonymous reporting system and a mediation service. Even if you’re not ready to report it, they can still offer counselling, advice, or help you navigate tricky housing situations if it’s housemates who are the problem. - Look after yourself outside of uni life.
When uni feels toxic, finding pockets of life away from it is vital. I started volunteering one afternoon a week at a local charity shop. Sounds small, but it made me feel like myself again — a reminder that the world was bigger than the tiny group making me miserable. - Remember: it’s not your job to fix them.
Bullies often thrive on making you feel responsible — like if you just tried harder to fit in, they’d accept you. Trust me, it’s not on you. It’s on them.
If You’re Watching a Friend Go Through It
Maybe you’re not the one being bullied, but you’re seeing it happen to someone else. Please don’t ignore it. Even a simple “Hey, I noticed what happened earlier. Are you okay?” can be a lifeline.
When I was struggling, the people who made the biggest difference weren’t the ones who fought my battles for me. They were the ones who sat with me in the library, sent dumb memes when I disappeared for days, and reminded me that I mattered.
Final Thoughts
If you’re being bullied at uni, know this: it doesn’t define you, it doesn’t mean you’re weak, and you do not have to just “put up with it”. It’s not childish or petty to want to be treated with respect.
Leaving university with my degree was one of the proudest moments of my life — but surviving the tough parts and learning how to stand up for myself? That’s the bit I’m most proud of.
Hang in there. You’re stronger than you think.
Need Support?
If you’re struggling, there are people and places that can help:
- Your university wellbeing team – check your uni’s website for counselling services, mental health support, or anonymous reporting tools.
- Nightline – a confidential listening service run by students, for students. Find your local Nightline here: nightline.ac.uk
- Samaritans – available 24/7 if you need someone to talk to. Call 116 123 for free or visit samaritans.org
- Ditch the Label – loads of online advice and support about bullying: ditchthelabel.org
You’re not alone — and you deserve to feel safe and supported.
